Tuesday, 1 May 2007
The Spinozist Mormon Swimsuit Issue
by Christian Y. Cardall
Sisters, it’s that time of year again… Time to start thinking about finding that special piece of swimwear that will both accentuate your most positive features and allow you to uphold the modesty that becomes daughters of God.
May I recommend these? Don’t despair if your favorite style is not in your preferred color; click on the link above each style to see a variety of available colors. And if it is not the available choice of colors but the mere prospect of appearing in swimwear at all that fills you with dread, may I recommend the Slimming Swimmer? Note that half the colors in this style are 50% off, and that additional discounts are available if you buy more than one!
(10 votes, average: 3.8 out of 5)
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Exploratory deployment of two Mormon imperatives—“prove all things; hold fast that which is good,” and “awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words”—from perspectives unfamiliar: secular, scientific, humanistic, and cultural (high and low).
Absolute hilarity. I would buy one for my wife if they weren’t so expensive. Are these just for women?…because the chap donning the “slimming swimmer” looks like an NFL lineman.
Yep, that looks like what I need. I went swimsuit shopping last week, with less than stellar results: http://muumsmusings.blogspot.com/2007/04/swimsuit-season.html
All this time, waiting to hear from you–and this???
I’m so please you posted this! I do want it to be known that this is NOT the work of a Mormon (though this has the Beehive State written all over it). The founder of the site is a graduate of Bob Jones University, so we can thank the evangelicals for this little gem!
Haha, pwned.
The credit for this post goes to my cousin Maret (#4), who brought the featured swimwear to my attention via email.
I think it looks like fundamentalist Mormon swimwear.
In other words, I like it. It’s pretty hot.
Thanks for the tip… Mother’s Day is fast approaching and I hadn’t yet found a gift for my wife. Problem solved.
This will be perfect for our upcoming cruise to the Bahamas in September.
Apparently these are in high demand because competition in the marketplace has emerged:
http://www.modest-swimwear.net/testimonials.htm
You’ve got to be kidding. Is this for real??
Hey, it’s June 1. Time for another monthly, CC.
Ann, you’re right! I’ll see what I can do.
OK, now it’s July 1st. Throw us a bone, CC…
Great swimwear!!! Thanks for the post.
August 2nd. I am going to do this every single month until you post something. I am relentless.
9/2. Four months. OK, I lied. I’m not relentless. I give up.
I miss your writing, C.
Anyone who swims in these would drown, being dragged down into the water by the excess fabric. The only thing these are good for is protection from the sun.
OK, I know these suits are THE most attractive, but you do not drown at the weight of them when they are wet! Both my dd and I had thesee in the past. They are comfortable and dry very quickly without clinging to your body. We were going through a phase in our family where we OBSESSED about modesty….to an unhealthy degree. But we liked these suits and they served a purpose allbeit a short lived one!
You may want to consider this as a reasonable alternative. I wish they had more styles but alas, we have not seen any. My 16 yo dd likes this and says she thinks it is a nice medium ground. She and I both agree that suits that resemble underwear and bras are not for us……if they were we would save a bundle and just by the fancy undergarments you can now buy at Wally world! I never did understand why ladies around the world would FREAK if someone walked into the room while they were changing and in their unders, yet where LESS than that at the beach? What is it about water that makes us think we can walk around in such little attire. Oh well, maybe women and girls do not get so freaked out these days? Anyway.
Here is a link:
http://www.christa-taylor.com/c/modest-swimwear/
She has the cutest and TRENDY clothes as well. A bit pricey, but we paid over a hundred bucks for the ones posted!
And one other link for modest yet trendy clothing:
https://www.funkyfrum.com/default.htm
Enjoy a modest yet trendy summer!
What are you advocating??? Converting to Amish?
Don’t worry, prudish. I am very far from advocating that people become Amish.
Enjoying your take… On FaceBook group “Bloggernacle Friends”, your blog was mentioned and complimented (by Kaimi Wenger) when I raised Spinoza in a more or less off-hand answer to an inane question in an old Sunday School or Priesthood lesson manual.
Although I was devout LDS until the age of 24, I did eventually take full leave from that way of life. I can’t get away from being culturally Mormon (in my California-raised way), but I’m definitely more Spinozan than Joseph-Smithian now.